Have you ever...

So I absolutely L.O.V.E. PINK...the performer, the singer, the woman, the role model, the cursing like a sailor, be me at any cost, say what I need to say and the hell with everyone else...PINK. As I was finishing up some craptastically long reports for work, I was listening to my i-tunes in the background and PINK's "Glitter in the Air" began to play on my "Easy Listening" playlist. Now, I am sure this song has many different meanings to many different people but the following lines touched me and made me feel more empowered to be the person on the outside that I already am on the inside...a funkily-fantastic retail therapy shopping FABU-Gorg-wah strong and empowered 20-something (we won't mention that I am quickly approaching my last year in Twenty-dom). What would you feel inside if you heard these words inside a beautiful crooning melody...

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands...close your eyes and trust it, just trust it...have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care?"...Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone...your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone? Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?...there you are sitting in the garden, clutching my coffee calling me "sugar" you called me "sugar"...have you ever wished for an endless night? Lasso the moon and the stars and pull that rope tight...have you ever held your breath and asked yourself "will it ever get better than tonight?"

 I think that although it may have had a very different meaning to her, PINK really spoke to all of us as individuals. We wait, most of us, a very long time to make the decision to do this great big horribly wonderful thing...changing our lives. We wait by the phone for strangers to tell us we're not alone, we can do this...oh and in the case of the WLS patient "you've been approved for surgery." We hesitate to throw that glitter in the air, love ourselves enough to take this crazily wonderful step towards our new lives and then we invite more strangers...the nurses and the surgeons, the support group leaders and fellow patients, our WLS family...into our lives. But before we throw that glitter... that first step...many of us, in any bad situation wish for that "endless night." All we want to do is sleep away the fat, the depression, the ugly, the not-being-able-to-do what-we-want-to-do blues. We hold our breaths and pray to look...act...be able to act like ourselves in a world that doesn't accept us for who we are on the outside, no matter what our de-function. PINK would say that is complete and utter horseSHIT...be yourself, whoever that is, whoever you want it to be.

Our country may be one of the most free in the world, but we are also one of the most judgmental...and I fully believe that. Yes, if you are willing to put your hands up, throw the glitter, that hope in the air...that we will all be able to welcome all the new strangers, all the new experiences and say "I just don't care" in the face of all those who would have us question our choices in life, no matter what they are they are OURS and no one else's. We are the only ones who will pay for them, in whatever form of currency we will be charged in. No one can tell me which exchange rate I should have to pay. Screw them all for thinking they can tell any of you how to LIVE your lives. We all only get one...so smile, LIVE and LOVE yourself enough to do what is best and right for you...you will thank yourself later. I know I have. I have thanked myself, my husband, my family, my friends, my doctors and all of you out there in BLOG world and I will thank you many more times in years to come. The biggest thanks has to go to me, however...so THANKS me...thanks for believing in yourself...thanks for taking a huge and controversial step...thanks for thinking of the children you want to have and grow old holding...thanks for working so hard to lose 85 pounds in 3 1/2 months and THANKS for believing it can always get getter than tonight...cause tonight is pretty great but tomorrow can be even better!