Sunday, April 24, 2011

She has Risen...

So, let me say first...Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate! Today was a really fun day for me for a few reasons The first being that I got to spend time with my husband, mom, dad, aunt, and grandparents and that is always a fun time...more so in recent years as the older members of my family have conveniently forgotten their verbal filters and say whatever they choose to say without apology. This "no-filter policy" is unwritten in the handbook and can contain anything from a variety of old racist terminology to the pronunciation of a word to who claims credit for some silly event or saying.

During two holidays (thus far) this year, a dictionary has been brought to the table to prove something or another about some seriously ridiculous word or expression. The first incident was during Thanksgiving when the dictionary was hunted down so that the correct pronunciation of "Horrible" could be found. The argument was "hORibble" versus "hARible." I say it's the one that sounds like a fun name for street walkers, prostitutes or ladies of the night...sort of like "Whoreible" which took the conversation to a whole other level as the argument continued for maybe an hour or so. The topic on Easter Sunday was the definition of the phrase "Cul-de-sac." Now, this was discussed in the car on the way to my Aunt's house, when we got there, and around the dinner table when my Dad got up to go look up the definition. This is what it literally means: "Bottom of a Sack." Yeah...let that one sink in. Enter into my world for a second and really try to understand that the word most used around the dinner table on Easter Sunday was the word "Sack." There was snickering and sexual references being made by my Dad and almost 92 year old Grandfather as well as the discussion of whether or not the plural would be "Cul de sacS" or "CulS de sac"...yeah...really. This was just the beginning of our conversational prowess...let me tell you!

The other reason I really loved today was that I got to focus so much more on those inane and hilariously inappropriate conversations with my family because I wasn't focused on my plate, the food on it, or on refilling it. I had my small piece of ham and a small spoonful of most things on the counter and licked some lemon curd off my finger for dessert. I waited my five minutes in between bites, sat back and laughed with my family. There was no silly drama, no real meaningful talk of politics (it's pointless really in my family) and people only griped about the cost of gas for about five minutes. We laughed, avoided stepping on my Aunt's really fat cat (watch out, she bites) and repeated stories (this is what happens when people who cannot hear well sit at opposite sides of the table) and had a nice time being with each other. There was no food coma and I feel really great coming home and not collapsing on some sofa somewhere. Instead of my diet, my LIFE was rich today and so again, I am so very thankful. Here's hoping that no matter what you did today, you had a wonderful time doing it!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Have you ever...

So I absolutely L.O.V.E. PINK...the performer, the singer, the woman, the role model, the cursing like a sailor, be me at any cost, say what I need to say and the hell with everyone else...PINK. As I was finishing up some craptastically long reports for work, I was listening to my i-tunes in the background and PINK's "Glitter in the Air" began to play on my "Easy Listening" playlist. Now, I am sure this song has many different meanings to many different people but the following lines touched me and made me feel more empowered to be the person on the outside that I already am on the inside...a funkily-fantastic retail therapy shopping FABU-Gorg-wah strong and empowered 20-something (we won't mention that I am quickly approaching my last year in Twenty-dom). What would you feel inside if you heard these words inside a beautiful crooning melody...

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands...close your eyes and trust it, just trust it...have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care?"...Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone...your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone? Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?...there you are sitting in the garden, clutching my coffee calling me "sugar" you called me "sugar"...have you ever wished for an endless night? Lasso the moon and the stars and pull that rope tight...have you ever held your breath and asked yourself "will it ever get better than tonight?"
 I think that although it may have had a very different meaning to her, PINK really spoke to all of us as individuals. We wait, most of us, a very long time to make the decision to do this great big horribly wonderful thing...changing our lives. We wait by the phone for strangers to tell us we're not alone, we can do this...oh and in the case of the WLS patient "you've been approved for surgery." We hesitate to throw that glitter in the air, love ourselves enough to take this crazily wonderful step towards our new lives and then we invite more strangers...the nurses and the surgeons, the support group leaders and fellow patients, our WLS family...into our lives. But before we throw that glitter... that first step...many of us, in any bad situation wish for that "endless night." All we want to do is sleep away the fat, the depression, the ugly, the not-being-able-to-do what-we-want-to-do blues. We hold our breaths and pray to able to act like ourselves in a world that doesn't accept us for who we are on the outside, no matter what our de-function. PINK would say that is complete and utter yourself, whoever that is, whoever you want it to be.

Our country may be one of the most free in the world, but we are also one of the most judgmental...and I fully believe that. Yes, if you are willing to put your hands up, throw the glitter, that hope in the air...that we will all be able to welcome all the new strangers, all the new experiences and say "I just don't care" in the face of all those who would have us question our choices in life, no matter what they are they are OURS and no one else's. We are the only ones who will pay for them, in whatever form of currency we will be charged in. No one can tell me which exchange rate I should have to pay. Screw them all for thinking they can tell any of you how to LIVE your lives. We all only get smile, LIVE and LOVE yourself enough to do what is best and right for will thank yourself later. I know I have. I have thanked myself, my husband, my family, my friends, my doctors and all of you out there in BLOG world and I will thank you many more times in years to come. The biggest thanks has to go to me, THANKS me...thanks for believing in yourself...thanks for taking a huge and controversial step...thanks for thinking of the children you want to have and grow old holding...thanks for working so hard to lose 85 pounds in 3 1/2 months and THANKS for believing it can always get getter than tonight...cause tonight is pretty great but tomorrow can be even better!