Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

     After much consideration and many naps (where I dream about scrambled eggs and other actual healthy food I can't eat yet), I decided to share the big information about my current situation and upcoming journey with any and all of you who will read this Blog. I previously subscribed to the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"  idea on facebook and still do to a point. Not everyone on my friends list has a right to know (or cares about) what is going on with every aspect of my life but those that do care and want to know what is going on/how they can help, deserve to know. So I figured that generally, the same people that read my blogs are the same people that give a shit. Now, this was a big decision for me to share something so personal as this journey with others but it was even more HUGE for me to do it. I will tell you why it has been and will be such a difficult road if you will hang in there with me.

     On December 22, 2010 I had Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass Surgery, or WLS (weight loss surgery). No, I did not have the band (lap-band) or the sleeve (don't even ask). Back in July, I made the choice to do this but it is something I thought very long and hard about for a long time. Most of you who know me already know that most of my life I was a big kid, a chubby pre-teen, a thinner me for 2 or so years in high school and a progressive gainer ever since. If I tell many of you that the reason I was actually thin for a few years is because I took Ephedra and worked out like a maniac (sometimes 3x a day)...oh, and barely ate, maybe you can understand that without that, I would have been big my entire life. I often think that those few years were the best of my life but, in truth, I barely slept because of the caffeine in my body. I barely ate a well rounded diet. I barely felt like me anymore. What I was good at was hiding how hard that time was. Those of you who remember me from HS, I am curious to know what your impressions of me were back then. Some of them, I am guessing, were negative based on the fact that I was, indeed, sort of a bitch sometimes.  I apologize for what I did to myself and in turn then took out on you. However, past is past and all I can do now is look ahead. Don't get me wrong...I lovedddd being fit and so active. I would not have gotten half the theater/singing roles I did if I could not have fit in the costumes...trust me.

Back to the RNY procedure. For the longest time I felt like it was a cheating choice. I thought it was an easy way out. I thought I could do it myself and months and years of me going to the gym and eating my WW points proved to be all crappy experiences in the end because I wouldn't  see results and I would become depressed and upset with myself. Time and time again I would try something different and all of those "methods" made me realize that in a very basic way, they were no different than taking ephedra and losing sleep. Either way I felt exhausted and used up emotionally and physically. I needed something more permanent that presented itself as a total "life change." I NEVER thought of RNY as an option previous to about 8 months ago because I didn't see it as a life change...I saw it as a too easy answer...giving up on myself. What I didn't realize until recently was that I was and had already been giving up on myself...a lot! 

     It wasn't until I attended a Gastric Bypass info meeting that I realized what my new life would entail (and even then, until you actually do it, you have no idea). The procedure itself is major abdominal surgery, even if it is laproscopic (which mine was, thank God), and my life afterwards will never be the same. I can only tell you that I have already had days since Wednesday when I thought "Oh shit, what have I done?" but overall I am happy and proud that I have taken a huge step towards a healthier me...and someday, healthier children. I have seven little holes in my belly I didn't before (but hell, I had a belly button ring so it can't be THAT bad right?) and occasional discomfort (I find it hard to sleep on my side among other little pains) but overall I am feeling OK. I have been on a liquid diet for about a week and tomorrow I can try 3-4 tsp. of soft foods (scrambled egg here I come) at each meal. Protein shakes galore are taking over my kitchen as I need at least 60 gm a day now and I will start taking LOTS of chewable vitamins next week. There are SO many steps and stages and if I do anything wrong I WILL get sick and I WILL be pissed off enough for it not to happen again. I have a long road ahead of me but that's exactly what this is about...me. I have surrounded myself with supportive, caring and loving friends and family who make me feel good about me with or without my surgery and minus any "friends" who create unnecessary drama or childish shit. I just don't need any toxic ingredients to this new recipe.

     So, that's it. Now, you all know. I am not ashamed of my choices or who I am. I only know that I am in for a serious overhaul in all aspects of my life, including but not limited to my wardrobe. If you have questions or comments, please feel free to ask. I won't get pissed if you don't agree with my choice. Hell, I didn't agree with it for a very long time. However, also expect honest answers as this wouldn't be veracious verses without the brutal truth. 


  1. I am excited and thrilled for you Amy...not just in anticipation of the thin you, also knowing that you made an informed, brave decision and in my opinion a wise one. Thankfully you will not suffer with the stigma and serious health issues that heavy people deal with. Cheers to you and a happier healthier new you!

  2. Amy, I had seen a few comments on FB over the past weeks and I did wonder what was up, since I didn't feel I should impose and ask about such personal issues I just prayed that whatever it was- had a positive outcome. After reading this I can see just how personal it was. THANK YOU for sharing your journey, I am excited to follow you on your path to a new you. As you stated this -life change- is about you, your health, and your future, I wish you all the success and happiness that comes your way- most of all- your ability to shine proudly as the strong beautiful woman you are.. just a lighter and healthier one!!! Hugs Girl!!

  3. Amy, this is incredibly brave! I knew something was going on, via my expert FB stalking skills. However, we haven't talked much since high school so inquiring would have been seriously rude. However, I just wanted you to know that I cheering for you! ~Jen Cole =)

  4. I am so very proud of you Roomie! You are and always have been an amazing woman but I am excited to see you grow in this new stage of your life. Love you!! :o)

  5. Amy,

    It sounds like you made this choice for all the right reasons. There is a woman I know from when I lived in California that went through this surgery a few years ago and has had such a positive change in her life. I don't think I need to wish you luck because if you are anything like the determined person I knew you to be in high school then you will fantastic. Keep strong!

    Melissa Long

  6. Thanks to everyone! Your kind words and encouragement literally made my cry yesterday. I was an emotional mess! It means so much to me. Have a happy and wonderful new year celebration in any way you choose to celebrate. I, myself, will probably be playing some serious wii :o)

  7. Miss Amy! As one friend from waaaaay back in Chorale as freshmen, I'm happy to tell you what I thought of you in high school! I always loved your energy, your joie de vivre, and your witty sense of humor. "bitch" never entered into my impression of you! You definitely never tolerated BS, but I think that's way different than being "bitchy."

    I agree with JmfC - I figured something was up on FB, but didn't want to pry. Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us via the blog. I'm so impressed with your courage and honesty and, as always, proud to call you my friend. :)


  8. Good for you Amy! You are a very strong, beautiful young lady...And you are a great writer and an inspiration to others! =)